Hold Me Now
by Lassoing the Moon
Summary: The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not 'get over' the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered./Alec finally breaks down in the middle of a bookstore when a mopped hair boy seemingly resembling Max turns to stare at him from across the isle.


An; this came to me from a dream actual,haha. I don't think alec would have given himself time to grieve over max and thus this was born.

I own nothing

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It happens days after the funeral, in the middle of a Barnes and Nobels. Alec doesn't know why he suddenly feels the need to go to the bookstore, maybe it's because Magnus is busy with a client and he can't stand to be in the Institute all by himself, not with the memories bouncing off the wall. Whatever the reason he almost immediately regrets the decision to come as soon as he enters. Alec has always had an issue with social outgoings, he can't hold a conversation to save his life, not unless he really knows the person, the events of his life make it damn near impossible to trust anyone, and there's a uneasy feeling sitting in the pit of his stomach.

The only thing to settle his nerves is the extra large coffee he grabs from the Starbucks. He taps his thumbs over the sleeve as he walks the isle, not really sure what he's looking for. Max had always been the one to recommend books to him. His heart twist at his sudden thought of his brother, causing his grib on his drink to tighten. He hasn't really thought of him since the funeral, it proving to difficult to hold onto the memory of him when it was to damned painful.

Slowly the lump in his throat, Alec slips down into the comic section. He has found memories of Max running through the isle of the store, a wide grin on his face, his little hands trying to hold every possible book he can find. He sits in one of the chairs hiding in the corner, starring at the rows of books with a small frown. He never really understood max's love for comic books, he had tried over the years to get into them so he could have something, anything, to talk to him about but he can't seem to latch onto any of them. Alec picks up the first book he sees, one with a large group of superheroes on the front, and slowly starts to flip through it. He wonders what Max would have of him sitting alone in the isle, sipping at a coffee and reading a comic book. He probably would have been overjoyed, his excitement rolling off him in waves as he tried to explain every possible important detail to him.

It only makes Alec miss his more. His upbeat personality had always been refreshing, he could have always counted on his baby brother to bring his mood up, Max never judged him for his faults, he loved him just for the way he was, baggy sweaters and all. "Come on mommy!" A voice echos through the store, causing Alec to lift his eyes off the book and stare off in the direction of the child. His heart nearly breaks as both his and the boy's eyes meet. He can't be any older than 8, with a full head of messy brown hair and striking blue eyes Alec could have sworn he was staring back at Max. Slowly as if knowing his inner thoughts, the boy's lip curls up into a smile, his hand latching onto his mother's as she catches up with him. Alec slowly raises from his chair, his coffee slips from his hand into the wooden floor, glass smashes everywhere, and a small breath bring out, "Max.."

His mother doesn't seem to notice him, probably because of the rune he'd applied early, but the boy stares at him with curiosity. Apart of him wants to kneel down and hug the child but he knows how wrong that is. This isn't Max, just someone who looks like him. The boy's head titles as they stare at one another, his tiny hand reaching up for him. "Michael what are you reaching for?" His mother looks at him without seeing him as she grabs her sons hand. "Oh look at the mess. Michael, stay right here and I'll be right back." Panic sets in his suddenly and he wants to tell his mother not to leave him alone but the words get caught in his throat. Once his mother leaves, the boy takes one of the books off the shelf and sits in the chair Alec had been occupying. "You have a lot of tattoos, mister."

Alec wants to know how this kid can see him, he doesn't seem to be a downworlder or a demon. He finds himself scowling down at him. "They're not tattoos.." He mutters, anger flashing through him. He spins on his heel and stalks away from the boy. He can't deal with this, not right now. If this was the universes way of being cruel, he wanted nothing to do with it. Without realizing it, Alec walks right into someone, he opens his mouth to apologize or throw a rude comment, he hadn't really decided which, when he looks up and sees Magnus. He must have finished early and read his text message. "There you are Alexander, do you know how many damn bookstores there are- What's wrong darling?" The warlock's hands are on his cheeks, his thumbs stroking along his flushed face.

Alec didn't realize that tears ha seen running down his face or that his body was trembling uncontrollably. Without a word, he wraps his arms around Magnus, presses his face into his shirt and sobs. It's been a long time since he's cried this hard, the last time it had been because Robert had been ignoring him for Jace, now was different. His heart felt like it was was going to fall apart, his legs were so weak he was sure he was going to fall. He had never felt this way before, the tears couldn't stop, if anything they kept getting worse. Magnus held him, rubbing soothing fingers down his back. "Oh my darling Alec.." He hates the way Magnus says his name with such sympathy, it makes him feel weak

The warlock pulls him over to one of the many benches in the store, placing him in his lap, where Alec curls up and clenches his eyes shut. "I am so sorry my love.." Magnus's fingers run through his hair slowly, massaging his scalp. "Grief one of the hardest things to over come. It won't be easy but the pain eventually will go away.." Alec doesn't want it to go away, it is does it'll mean that he'll start to forget about Max and he doesn't want to lose the memory of his baby brother. Not ever. "Max will always remain a place in your heart, Alexander, he will always be apart of you." Magnus reassuring words only seem to piss him off. He rips the warlock's arms off of him and stands, backing away from him.

"He was a child!" He snaps back. Alec for some reason wants to punch Magnus, he knows it's not his fault but the blind rage seems to consume him. "He hadn't even gotten his runes yet!" Maybe it was because a small part of him blamed himself for not being there to protect Isabelle and Max, instead he been off with Magnus demanding why the warlock hadn't called him. He had let Sebastian harm his siblings. He ducks his head, clenching his hands in his fists as tears steam down his face again. "He was a child for angel sake..he barely had time to live..Max is gone..I couldn't protect him.." Alec had always told his brother that he would be there to protect him, he hadn't been there, he had left Max alone.

Magnus is up and standing in front of him so quickly, Alec could have sworn he saw flashes of his magic slip through them both. The warlock's finger is under his chin, forcing him to look at him. "Max dying wasn't anyone's fault but Sebastian's." He starts. "You had no hand in his death, Alexander and don't you dare say you did. What happened to you brother was a terrible tragedy but it was only the fault of Sebastian's." He leans forward, placing a strong kiss on his forward, his arms wrapping around his waist as he pulls him to his chest. "Max had a great life with you Alec, he had to be one of the most joy filled children I have had the pleasure of meeting. You, Isabelle and your family gave him all the love and affection in the world."

Alec drops his head on his chest and whimpers quietly. "I miss him, so much." He admits. Truthfully, he had been to busy worrying about everyone else he hadn't given himself enough time to grieve over Max and seeing that boy had caused his already weeping heart to break. "God k miss him Magnus."

Magnus places a kiss ontop of his head, sighing quietly. "You wouldn't have loved him as much as you did if you didn't miss him." He answers. "The pain will go, it always be there, but you'll be able to live with it." Alec feels bad, he knows Magnus must know all to well about the pain of losing a loved one.

Wiping his eyes, Alec lifts his head, pressing his lips against Magnus's his hands cupping his cheeks like his life depended on it. "I love you." He whispers.

"And I you, Alexander."

A few weeks later, Alec gets a tattoo on his wrist for Max, a pair of crossed wings, and oddly enough it helps with the pain.


End file.
